An Introduction

I've never really blogged. I had a livejournal back in the day, but only because my friends were on it. And I needed my friends. I want this to be different. I want to be completely open and honest in this blog, like a diary that's public. I feel that us "mentally ill" people just don't have enough voices out there. I want my readers (should I get any) to feel connected to what I say. And I want to be honest with myself. And that's one of the hardest things for me to do. I spend so much mental energy pushing things down and away from my mind that I completely forget my past. I'll forget people I've dated, met, befriended. I'll forget whole spans of my life because it was too painful, embarrassing, depressing.

I also want something to chronicle my mental illness. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago with borderline personality disorder and major depression. Since then I've been diagnosed with anxiety and bi polar II, though that particular diagnosis has been debated, depending on the doctor. 

I've seen many doctors, psychologists, and therapists. I'm in the middle of changing doctors yet again. But I want something to note the passing of time, the changing of my moods, the improvement (or deterioration) of my life. And that's what this blog will help me do.